we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
