I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
