You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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