The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
