i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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