I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
