I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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