My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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