I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
