I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
