well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
