Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she peed on how many people?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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