You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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