i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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