youre lurking in front of me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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