I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Im part way to drunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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