I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
