shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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