So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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