The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
