Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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