Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
