Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
