Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
