you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
