I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
