i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
