last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
