so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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