i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
