Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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