i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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