You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
