Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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