can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
