Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
