I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
