I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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