Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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