i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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