Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just found puke in my bra..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
