Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
