I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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