i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
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Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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