guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
