I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
