i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
