i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
