The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
