Do you still have your period?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So much rum. So many feels.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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