since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
