1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it hurts more in the daytime
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
