My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
