after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
