im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
