morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
