I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
