i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
