Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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