You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
