I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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