you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
