I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize