Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
