if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
