My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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