I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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