im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
